His teenage son walked in the room and said, “Dad, can we talk? I have been struggling with pornography for over two years and I need your help to quit this.” Ken’s first reaction was anger but he kept it in check. The second emotion experienced was embarrassment because he had struggled with pornography as well. His inclination was to hide his embarrassment with anger toward his son. That would give him cover and shut down the conversation he did not want to have. But Ken was convicted to do better than that.
Ken sat down and talked with his son about the natural physical attraction to women – that is what Adam meant when he said, “Bone of my bones. Flesh of my flesh.” But God did not just make woman beautiful, He made her relational – “It is not good for man to be alone.” God wanted man to experience the same intimate relationship with woman that He desired for mankind. Ken went on to explain how pornography is built on fantasy relationships and the lie that sexual performance is foundational for relationship when it is actually just the opposite - Healthy relationship is foundational for sexual intimacy.
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” – Hebrews 13:4. God’s design for marriage is the closest thing man will experience to a relationship with Jesus the Christ in this world. Intimacy in that relationship glorifies God and gives husbands & wives the opportunity to raise godly offspring (Malachi 2:15).
Man Up: Be the man, husband & father that stands in the gap to rebuke pornography:
- Individually – Accept RESPONSIBILITY at the personal level. Wherever you are, raise the bar for keeping “eyes focused on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith” (Heb.12:2) and “take every thought captive in obedience to Christ” (2Cor.10:5).
- In small group – Exemplify VULNERABILITY with a group of men or with at least one ‘battle buddy’ whom you trust. Commit to live into the standard given in Ephesians 5:3-6 – “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, …”
- In family – Show ACCOUNTABILITY, facing the fact that no dads or families are perfect. Have discussions with your bride around this topic and age-appropriate discussions with the kids - https://www.defendyoungminds.com/. Be real, be open and be sensitive. The home must be a “safe place” to talk about relationships & sex.
- In circles of influence & the church – Display IGNITABILITY of your passion and commitment to rebuke this scheme of pornography and strengthen relationships in marriage & family. Start a backfire to shut down the blaze that has been sweeping through society effectively uninhibited. Ask Youth & Family ministers how you can help them on this front - https://cpyu.org/. The goal is to establish the home and the church as safe places for kids to talk about relationships and sex.
Prayer guide: Lord, thank You for Your Word and Your design for marriage. You have provided the foundation of marriage and family for me to build upon but I have allowed myself to be distracted. Forgive me. Help me as a man, husband and father to stand in the gap for the next generation and rebuke the devil’s scheme of pornography. Equip me as a dad to keep the home a “safe place” to discuss relationships and sex. That is the dad You call me to be, and that is the dad my kids need to see. Amen.
A faithful father will man up and stand in the gap for the next generation.
